a letter of explanation
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: This is not a letter of me just listing out our faults, trust me. This is not a letter of me detailing the reasons why I love you and have loved you. This is not even a letter of me embarrassing myself to you with stories of that lovesick little girl. This is a letter written by someone who is still struggling to mature into a woman who is forcing herself to make sense.


Dear Harry,

There are still a lot of problems here, I know that. You have nightmares and I'm bossy; you sometimes come across as emotionally withdrawn and I don't know how to share a bed properly with anyone, let alone you.

I know that there is still a lot of emotions left over from being seventeen and in the middle of a war, of being confused and uncertain of who was and who wasn't going to make it out of said war alive, and that the two of us made the conscious decision to put all relationships, romantic, on hold and see how things blew over at the end.

And people are going to say for years that the two of us aren't good as friends, let alone as a couple, that I don't deserve you or you don't deserve me, or a dozen other equally ridiculous reasons, all of which do not include being you and I, two _rationally _thinking adults who have made the decision together to be a couple.

Trust me when I say that it seems that some days we don't work out at all, that maybe we ought to take a break, whether temporarily or of the more permanent kind, but every time the question comes up between the two of us, it never seems to make much head way.

I _love _you, Harry James Potter; I have said that very statement a thousand and one times before. I have told you that you are important to me, that I want to be with you forever, that you are special to me, and I hope you realise that I mean each and every one of those things with my whole heart.

The first time I saw you, at King's Cross, when you were that shy eleven year old boy looking for Platform 9 ¾, trust me when I say, you completely shattered all expectations I had of you, expectations I had built up as a lovesick child.

Let me just admit that I grew up having an imperfectly perfect idea of who you were and who you would be when I met you. And you were none of that. You were just a confused kid who was polite and quiet and did as he told.

The next year, when you were at our house for the summer, when I blushed every time you looked at me and even put my elbow in the butter dish at breakfast once or twice, (as you so lovingly remind me all the time now) I knew that any ideas I had had about you were officially incorrect.

But it took a few years for me to see you not just as _Harry Potter_, the famous hero, but as _Harry Potter_, the student who slept through class and threw food across the table and who was just as human as any of the rest of us.

It took me a few years to finally grow up and look at you maturely, and see you not just as a figment of my childhood, but as an actual living, breathing person with emotions and thoughts and faults, just like I was; I had built you up to be something you weren't, and for that, I apologise for that, Harry.

Because the awestruck emotions of a ten year old girl meeting her childhood idol for the first time are not the same emotions I feel for you now, as a twenty year old who is just beginning to consider herself something more than a child.

Understand that I am completely and totally in love with you, Harry James Potter, in every sense of the word, and if that seems irrational to others, that is simply fine with me. I would rather be irrational by your side than with anyone else.

Our path to this moment had not always seemed so clear, what with me starting off as the "president" of your "number one fan club", and you viewing me as just the shy little sister of your best mate, or the fact that by the time you started to realise you loved me, I had started to convince myself to completely move on, because I was beginning to think to myself, _what were the chances you'd ever actually notice me the way I wanted to be noticed_?

And here we are now, two people who have spent several years struggling to be compatible, struggled to fit together and make everything work, juggling work and family and emotional roller coasts and a thousand and one other things that every other relationship goes through.

This is not a letter of me just listing out our faults, trust me. This is not a letter of me detailing the reasons why I love you and have loved you. This is not even a letter of me embarrassing myself to you with stories of that lovesick little girl.

This is a letter written by someone who is still struggling to mature into a woman, who is forcing herself to put emotions into words and make sense of how she feels about someone who is still struggling to mature into a man.

This is a letter written to make sure that we both understand that, faults or not, I know that you, Harry James Potter, are the one I want to be with. I know we aren't sappy, romantic people who say things like "you complete me" or "you are my always", but I would like it to be known that always is the exact sort of thing that I am looking for here, between the two of us.

And I think you have made that known as well, considering the last year of our life, of our relationship together. I think you have made it clear that "my always" is going both ways in this relationship, and that empty promises and the views of children are _not _what is going into how we feel and the decisions that we make based off how we feel.

There are a lot of things I could say about you that drive me nuts. I know you could say the same about me, and that is what is good about us. We know that the two of us are not perfect people and that we could never be perfect people, but that doesn't mean we oughtn't to try being imperfect together.

I love you, Harry James Potter. I used to imagine saying that, on this day, leading up to this moment, as a little girl, but writing it down now, I know that those words carry more power than anything else in the world, even if they don't seem to be.

I _love you_, and if you are still worried, even today, what my answer is, let me assure you that the answer is and always will be, _yes._

_Yes, I love you. Yes, I want to be with you. Yes, Harry James Potter, I want to marry you, because you are the love of my life, and we deserve to be imperfect idiots with each other, don't you think?_

Love,

Ginny Weasley

(Soon to be your wife, _the _Mrs. Ginny Potter)


End file.
